Senior recitals for a music major should bring together a cumulation of your musical achievements over the course of your 4 years at the university. And yet if you were to ask anyone who attended my senior recital what was the most memorable moment they would probably say – the Rolly out!
Growing up I never saw myself as someone who would be on stage, the spotlight has and still is not my scene. I have grown to find out that if you want something done you should not let fear hold you back.
On the day of the performance the two other – way better – percussionists who were standing along side me, were getting set up on stage. We reviewed the order of the program and where there will need to be people going up to the microphone to talk while we set for the next song. I planned on giving thanks to all of the people who have helped us from the school dean to our own private studio instructor, Shuster. Well, what I did not know was that Shuster during his turn on the microphone would do exactly the same thing as I had planned. It’s the day of the show! The only thing I am thinking about is my performance. So I ignored the impending doom of,
“What on earth are you going to say in front of all those people while Josh is tuning the timpani?!?!”
The whole thing has turned into a blur. Who even knows if I had enough oxygen because I’m pretty sure the dress I was wearing was probably cutting off circulation to my brain.
Josh starts to tune
I thank Shuster – that went well.
Then I stall…by shouting out for a professor in the audience to tell a joke. He yells, “You’re on your own!” Yep. Alright. Here I go. My head starts nodding, the weird smirk smile is spread across my face, music is in my head and the “Rolly – out” is born. My arms started making circular motions back as my legs started moving towards the area behind the curtain.
Typing this now is making my stomach turn thinking about what that must have looked like on stage. What was I thinking?! But honestly – who cares? I can think back on a lot of moments in my life where I felt embarrassed or ashamed of what I’ve done and it’s over the tiniest things. But this has to be the moment where I take this and make it my own.
I have no idea what exactly that looks like but I’m here to find out.
As my life moves forward I know some of my friendships and relationships will not be the same as they once were. I feel like I’m letting people down by writing this new chapter in my life and others are thinking, “You should have done this a long time ago.” No matter what your opinion is this blog is for me. I still keep a personal journal because I don’t think I will ever lose my first love – the love of a girl and her trusty pen and paper. Maybe this blog will allow me to stop overthinking so much and really start exploring what matters.
Rolly – out.